[Most Recent Entries]
Below are the 17 most recent journal entries recorded in
|Tuesday, November 20th, 2007|
To any and all that might remotely care:
I've been busy. My apologies. Since coming to Kanto, I've been doing everything that I can to help. I've taken up my tools of the medical trade again, rather than weapons of death, and am trying to heal wherever I can.
As such, I'm afraid that I have little to no time to devote to maintaining contact through this medium. Even a stable computer is becoming virtually non-existent, for I never know where I'll end up at the start and end of the day.
Take care, everyone. I've had a lot of memories here, and should I survive all of this, I'll not forget any of you.
|Sunday, July 1st, 2007|
Life is funny sometimes.
The world is now in a state of constant misery...
And yet, somehow, I cannot find it within me to be sad. Strange for me, I know, but that's just how it is.
Unfortunately, I don't really have a lot to say, but as I sit and watch twilight descend over Verdanturf, I suddenly feel the urge to be thankful for the life that I have.
A much better outlook on life than I used to have, to be sure.
|Wednesday, May 16th, 2007|
Dr. Lenore Stone,
I was by your home a few days before the Lockdown and I remembered something.
I want to apologize for breaking my promise to you. It's been many years, but it is an apology that is well-overdue.
I hope you're weathering this alright. I do worry about Steven and yourself.
|Sunday, April 15th, 2007|
|Regarding Dr. Stone
As many of you have hopefully heard by now, Dr. Lenore Stone is currently in the hospital. She is in stable condition and is concious. I'm over seeing her care, so she is in good hands.
If anybody wishes to visit her, they may do so, but I have a very simple request. Do not stress her out. Do not upset her. This is not speaking as a friend, but as her doctor. Any further stress on her immune and respiratory systems is out of the question and I will not have anyone making her feel worse while she's here.
Gifts are encouraged. So are warm smiles and good conversation. I'm sure she'd appreciate the mental stimulation.
That is all.
|Saturday, March 3rd, 2007|
|Musings from the Mind of a Doctor.
A lot has happened over the past few days.
Many of these things I won't speak of here for personal reasons.
There is one thing, though, that I'm not quite sure how to feel about.
It seems that Rory visited Lanette at some point and brought her a rose. It was an odd rose, though. It was red and yellow, rather than just red or yellow. I know that a yellow rose signifies friendship while a red rose signifies romantic interest...
But what in blazes does a red and yellow rose signify?
Ah well. It seemed to be a friendly chat, according to Lanette, but he did voice romantic interest in her still.
On another subject, I'm sorry that I haven't been by to see you again Rui. I hope that things have gotten better for you since our last chat. If you ever wish to make cookies again, do stop by. I'm always ready to entertain a guest when I'm home...
Which, unfortunately, is less often than usual, but I'm sure I'll be around sometime soon.
Lenore, I hope that you're taking good care of what we spoke about the other night. If you need my help at all, do feel free to ask. I've not always been there for you, but I want to be. I want to be able to do everything that I can to help.
I also hope that the door on the storage closet was fixed without incident. Dr. Joy didn't seem very upset - once she was done laughing, that is. That took awhile and a couple of cups of water.
|Wednesday, January 31st, 2007|
An epiphany is the stragest thing when you've been wandering in a desert of discontent and depression.
When you can see nothing but darkness, a sudden burst of light is almost blinding in its brilliance. Your eyes need some time to adjust to it, because you aren't used to it.
It's been a long time since I've felt a genuine ray of hope.
I hope it lasts.
Whether it does or not, though, is irrelevant. I know what I have to do, and I feel I should begin by facing the past.
And what better way to do so than to journey to the past?
|Monday, January 15th, 2007|
|Plans In the Making
It's funny how things turn out.
Not funny ha-ha, of course. Funny interesting, perhaps.
Sitting here now, I can't help but wonder what the future will bring me. Did I toss aside my last chance at happiness? Have I opened the doors to true bliss?
I'm not really sure.
The darkness never has the answers that I seek. Staring into my computer screen doesn't really help either.
I hope that Lanette is happy with whatever course she takes. She deserves it, really.
I, on the other hand, need to think. I need... A change, perhaps.
Maybe I'll return to my old home for awhile. Verdanturf is nice, but... I think I'd do better if I went to live where I dwelled for so long.
I'll give it some thought, I suppose.
|Wednesday, December 27th, 2006|
It's funny how the holidays work sometimes.
I've usually been alone. This Christmas, I had somebody with me. They're not here anymore, but the company was pleasent just the same.
I haven't given her a gift yet. I have one, of course, but she hurried off to Mossdeep to find out about her colleague.
I can't blame her. If Lenore went missing, I'd do the same thing.
But for the same reason?
I suppose that I don't know what to think anymore. I'm not even sure what to feel anymore. There's no owner's manual for one heart.
So, while I sit and think, I drink my eggnog. It's good eggnog with just a hint of alcohol.
No, I'm not drunk, but I am relaxed, needless to say.
It's interesting to see ash fall instead of snow. My friend told me that it's alright to stay here while she's gone... So it feels quite different to sit in this house alone.
But yet I sit, hoping to find some answers in the stillness of the night.
Anyway. Enough of this.
I hope that everyone has had a wonderful holiday and that Rory and Bill - wherever you are - be safe. Too many people care about you two for anything to happen.
Yes, I suppose that even includes me. Try not to croak if you read that line. Current Mood: thoughtful
|Monday, September 25th, 2006|
I know it seems silly to write a letter in a letter-writing format on-line, and in a journal post no less, but I find it appropriate somehow. It helps me to convey my thoughts better since I'm able to write directly to you. Why on a public forum, you might wonder? Because I'm not ashamed. If people want to read this, then they may. I have nothing to hide.
I have so much that I want to say to you, but I do not know if your time is limited. I do not know if you travel during the day, or if you have found somewhere to dwell. I hope your days continue to be bright. You're missed, I am certain. Definitely by me.
I want to say I'm sorry so many times over, but how many times can one person apologize? Is it too much to say it again? Perhaps. Yet, here I am. Saying it again.
I want to talk to you. I want to see you. I want to be the open ear that I was able to be so many times in the past. I want to see you smile like you used to. Life was so simple on Dewford Island, but responsibility comes with age. We both have lives that we have to live - I just wish they could intertwine more.
I do not know where you are. I am certain you would not be somewhere obvious - but I hope that you do want to be found one day. So many other people want to see you - each with more right than I - but I want to see you too. So. To that end, if you need anyone to talk to Lenore, whether in person or by text, you know where to find me.
I'll be here. Just like I always used to be. My friendship is something that you can count on, if you still want it. I hope so.
Dr. Kazuhiko Kazuma, M.D. Current Mood: thoughtful
|Wednesday, August 16th, 2006|
People will never cease to amaze me. I suppose I cannot blame them for their ignorance, but I do wish that they would be more careful when they're unsure about something.
What am I talking about?
A patient of mine brought a sick Houndour that they just picked up in the forest into their home.
Sounds nice, right?
The houndour had scabies and they contracted it. Fortunately, the nurse admitting them recognized the symptoms and managed to keep them from contaminating too much of the area. They're undergoing treatment now, but I hope that they will be more careful in the future.
Helping sick animals is a noble and wonderful goal, but there must be a careful wisdom applied to the practice in order to prevent the spread of unknown disease. Current Mood: tired
|Friday, July 14th, 2006|
To My Sixteen Year Old Self,
Where to begin is perhaps the best question. So many things to say, but so little space to say it. You will make many mistakes in your life, but you will find a way to hold on. A shining light in the darkness will fill your life, but you will never know if that light is shining for you. Yet, you will realize that it is ultimately your fault that this confusion plauges you. When the time comes, talk to that special person in your life. Do not simply leave. Do not think that refusing to say goodbye makes it less painful. Confront your feelings - admit your feelings...
Perhaps, with such a simple action, so much more pain can be avoided. Happiness may be waiting just around the bend, but taking the proper path to that bend is necessary. Follow your heart, rather than your head, and you will find a greater joy than you could ever hope for. The human mind is flawed, but the heart is not. Then, when you tell this person all that lies behind the locked door of your heart, treat them with the respect and love they deserve.
Perhaps you do not wish to heed my advice though. Very well. Should you ignore my wisdom, then prepare for the toughest road you have ever traveled. You will meet heart ache, confusion, pain, sadness and suffering. You will teeter on the edge of madness, only to fall into a bliss that is neither joy nor sorrow. You will not know what to feel - you will simply exist.
In time, you will know happiness again, but it will be a happiness paid for with the blood, sweat and tears of the suffering your mistakes have brought upon you. The choice is yours... But I beseech you, think more than I did. Think your future over very carefully, and decide what is really important.
When the time comes, that importance will haunt you for the rest of your life - for better or for worse.
Your Future Self
|Thursday, July 6th, 2006|
|Reflections In A Pool
I decided to take my laptop and see if it works in a cave. Apparantly it will, because I'm here and typing this. I'll probably post it when I get back, since the internet won't work in here.
I'm in a secret place right now - one I was shown, and one that I find to be very beautiful. It's peaceful in here... I can think in solitude.
A lot of things have happened over the past few days. The path before me is blurred and I feel as though any step could be my last.
What do I do and what do I say? So many of my problems have seemed so simple and silly compared to this.
On one hand, there is someone very special to me, that cares for me and asks nothing in return. What do I say to her?
On the other, there is someone very special to me, but I do not know if she cares for me. I can barely get her to even speak to me right now. What do I say to her?
Caught in the middle is my own happiness, but is it wrong to even consider it right now? I wish I knew.
Some answers just don't come easy, I suppose. In the meantime, I will sit and I will think. Perhaps the darkness holds the answers I seek.
I only hope that I will be listening when it whispers. Current Mood: exhausted
|Sunday, May 7th, 2006|
Have you ever stopped and really taken a look at your life?
Just stopped. Stopped and questioned everything that you've ever done - all you've ever known - all you've ever felt.
I cannot help but wonder why I still live. I wonder how I live with what I know - what I've done.
I know I must sound so terribly vague, but such is the way with stream of conciousness.
As I look around, I see darkness smothering a thousand memories. I feel a strange presence here. Good or bad? I fear I cannot say, but I doubt that I am alone here. The energy in these rooms is almost tangible. It's like I can reach out and grasp it.
Rather than try, though, I think I'll keep resting my leg like Dr. Stone ordered me to do - but I do hope she stops by to look at soon. It hurts less than it did before, but it still smarts like you wouldn't believe.
I hope I'll see everyone else soon - but I don't know when that will be...
If ever. Current Mood: contemplative
|Tuesday, March 21st, 2006|
I finally told her.
I told her all about it. I feared losing her as a result... But she had to know.
I must say that the evening surprised me. Her thoughts, her words.
I know nothing is set in stone, but I cannot describe how my heart feels at this moment. I'm free of a terrible burden. It's a freedom that only honesty can provide.
What does the future hold?
In an unrelated matter, I recently discovered the magic that is curry. I don't cook that often, but I feel it necessary to learn how to make dishes like this. I had a bit of curry chicken at a lovely little cafe a few days ago. A touch spicy, but it was divine.
Enough of my prattle, though. I have work to do. Current Mood: thoughtful
|Tuesday, February 28th, 2006|
Well, it's been an eventful few weeks.
I can't speak of some things, but most of my time has been consumed by these flu outbreaks.
I must say that I'm glad things are beginning to die down. It seemed, for a time, that the sicknesses would never end.
It's not over, certainly, but we're getting there.
I sometimes wonder if I'm not trying hard enough. I wonder... If perhaps I should assert my feelings more than I do.
Will I miss my chance if I don't?
Will I go too far if I do?
Damn the mysteries of the universe.
There are no simple answers. The very nature of the human mind has seen to that.
Regardless. I have appointments to attend to. These ponderings will have to wait.
People must get well, after all. Current Mood: thoughtful
|Sunday, February 5th, 2006|
My. A lot has happened lately.
Yet... Despite it all, I can't help but wonder.
I wonder what I'll be doing later. I wonder if I'll be happy.
I wonder... If she'll be by my side.
I don't talk about it in front of others too often. I don't want to trouble my friends. Some, of course, matter considerably less than others. One in particular... I'll openly express my feelings for her in front of him.
He knows who he is.
Granted, I'm not doing it strictly out of spite. I really do love her... And my actions are meant to show her that. Their primary purpose is not to make the child angry. In fact, it's very little of the objective. It's merely a side effect.
Anyway... She knows how I feel.
I just wonder if she'll ever do more than simply 'know'.
|Friday, October 7th, 2005|
Well, I've gotten one of these 'journal' things. I remember Lenore asked me to awhile ago, and since she isn't returning any of my calls, I thought I might could at least get a message out to her this way.
Lenore, as your doctor, I insist that you eventually let me know where you are. I won't let anyone else know, but if anything goes wrong with your treatment, I need to know about it. I'm not going to demand it, though. You're a doctor too, and you know the risks. The pros and cons. I trust your judgement, so... You know you can call me whenever you want.
In other news, I began my new role as Lenore's temporary stand-in today. Nothing went wrong. In fact, everything went quite well. I saw several patients, and even helped treat a few pokemon. Of course, my primary field of knowledge is human medicine, but I have also been taught pokemon medicine during my medical training. It wasn't too difficult to adjust, but I'm sure Lenore could have handled it a lot better than I did.
Anyway, that's all.